Sometimes it takes an event to make us take a leap of faith and try something different.
It’s not a story full of sunshine and rainbows but it does have some dancing in the rain and feelings of liberation. Grief brings with it many reactions, many are negative and others you can try hard to find some sort of silver lining. If you have followed our journey over the last year or so you may have read about our loss of two babies through miscarriages, a reality I still find hard to comprehend.
We had our first miscarriage while we were still filming The Block:
The Block stars Dean and Shay Paine have revealed their heartache after mother-of-one Shay suffered a tragic miscarriage following the completion of their luxurious apartment on the Channel Nine show. Speaking out for the first time about their ordeal, the couple – who are parents to two-year-old Everly – told New Idea magazine: ‘Maybe it just wasn’t the right time for us’.
The New South Wales duo had been overjoyed to learn that Shay was pregnant with their second child during a break from filming. However, the husband and wife team’s private joy quickly turned to sorrow after the show’s open inspections when Shay began to experience painful cramps. The 29-year-old recalled: ‘I kept saying to myself, “It will be alright”. But it just got consistently worse over the next two days, and that’s when we lost the baby’. Her loving husband added: ‘We tried to look after her and take it easy, but unfortunately it didn’t pan out for us’.
While the pair – who live in Newcastle – were away from friends and relatives due to the show’s filming location in Melbourne, Shay opted to stay on site and keep busy with work and she praises her husband for his ‘incredible support’ during the hard time. She revealed that during the tragic time she felt like she had been ‘robbed’ and had started to question if the miscarriage had been her fault. But Dean made it clear that he did not want her to feel that way explaining: ‘She was feeling a bit guilty that maybe she’d let the stress get to her. No-one’s to blame. It’s definitely not her fault. I just reassured her that we’ll keep trying and hopefully it will all work out.
Despite their personal tragedy, the pair ensured they continue to work their hardest in completing the apartment for sale and have tried to focus on the positive. The couple have been fan favourites throughout the series, and the show’s host Scott Cam hinted the pair’s hard work paid off on auction day when their penthouse apartment went on the market on Saturday…
If you know the story, the hard work did pay off and we were very blessed by our Block experience.
After the miscarriage, we had a break from trying for another baby. I think for a long time I didn’t realise how lost I actually felt. We threw ourselves into a new business and renovating our house, but I found myself feeling anxious about most things. Dean was very patient about waiting until I felt ready and, to be honest, I realise now that I wasn’t ready when six months later we started trying again. I certainly wasn’t ready when we finally fell pregnant again and went for our twelve week scan, only to find that our precious baby had passed away at 10 weeks. The tears flowed instantly and the pain was almost unbearable for both of us.
To say we were devastated doesn’t cover it, but with this loss we found a new perspective. We found an understanding that nothing in this life is guaranteed. We can work hard, buy a big house, a new car and nice things, but none of that really fills us up with connection and love (corny, but true). Late last year, not long after the second loss, I was standing in the kitchen and had spent some time that day contemplating ‘what next’. I turned to Dean and said: “Let’s sell our house and travel around Australia, learning how to grow our own food”. It seemed so obvious; a blend of everything we love and are passionate about: family, travel, sustainability, the art of growing, community, and building relationships.
It took grief to bring us clarity. We went through the grief twice before we learned ‘the lesson’. So here we are. We’ve sold our house, packed our things into storage, prepped as much as we can, and are off – sharing our experiences in the hope that something we learn along the way will inspire others in some small way.
To our babies that grew wings too soon, this journey is your legacy. In your short time here you changed our lives forever and for that we are forever blessed.